Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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