he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
