They should really pass out barf bags in church
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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