I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
