I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
