Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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