I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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