8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
