Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
