Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
