Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
