Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
