my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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