everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
