please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
