those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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