WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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