Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
