I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
