Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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