whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
