love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
