You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
