Please, let me fuck your mom
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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