First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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