What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude i'm inner monologue high
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
