what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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