we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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