i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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