Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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