i think my tv is drunk
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
