my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
