D3 body, D1 cock
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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