Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
