i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
