Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
