Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
