She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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