Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
