She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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