she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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