i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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