My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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