My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize