OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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