Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
