Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
