i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
