do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
