I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
