You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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