Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do you remember whose house we're in?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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